1 step Forward, 3 steps back...

Falling asleep sitting up.. 

Here we are, 48 hours post Gotcha, and she still cries. Ms Mercie is miserable. And we are hurting for her. During the night she woke up and just sat for awhile and stared at us. Then around 6 she woke up for good, NOT screaming, so I thought that was a good sign. But that was short lived. SO many tears!

I thought we were making a bit of progress this morning. We went to the river and had a long walk. I carried her in the baby carrier and she did ok. Then I let her walk for awhile and she held my hand.

We had lunch at Mc Donalds and she seemed to be doing better. Sitting on my lap, letting me feed her. (she prefers the corn as a side over fries, in case you wonder!) :-)

 And then we came back to the room. The room is not a good place for her. As soon as we get off the elevator she cries. We decided to try swimming. I thought there is NO WAY this child will get in the pool. But she did and she loved it. Till Malaine wanted to actually swim and she was stuck with me. A Chinese woman was getting lessons, so she came over and took Fei Fei from me, and tried to get me to go swim. Fei of course went willingly and calmed down! (I did not swim, fyi, I just sat there shaking my head no as the lady tried to shoo me off!) Soon the pool attendant came over to scold me for not having on my swim cap and Fei was screaming her head off back in my arms so she and I left while Mark let the other 2 swim. She screamed ALL the way up the very full elevator, while I was being scolded that it was to cold for her to be in her swimsuit.
Upstairs she was hysterical, I was pretty much hysterical and so we walked. And we walked and we walked about 1000 laps around the 31st floor of our hotel. Come near the room door, she flips out. Partly she was tired and would not give in. I prayed over her, I sang songs over her, my tears covered her and she would just not calm down.

I am pretty sure they are ready for us to leave this hotel!

Finally Mark comes up and seeing Malaine quiets her.

Amy is our guide here in Changsha and knows the orphanage well. She and I had met on a few of my trips. In talking yesterday she said, " I remember the day I met you in Chenzhou in 2012. You were holding Lin Fei and you said, Amy, I want this baby to be mine! And Shannon, your dream has come true!".

There is nothing that shows the gospel to me more clearly than the adoption of my children. And THIS journey to THIS baby girl is the closest picture of grace I can imagine. I wanted this baby as mine from the minute I saw her. I have prayed for her, pursued her and dreamed of her for so long.

She, on the other hand is fighting this so badly. She can't see ahead, only what is right now.


And isn't that what Christ has done for us? He chases after us, he calls us he does NOT give up no matter how much we run, how much we reject him, how much we say no!

And then eventually we realize our need for a savior. He wraps us up in His embrace and binds our heart with his forever.

Eventually I know that is how it will be with Mercie. We have worked so hard to have her as ours. I have loved her for a long time. I KNOW that she will realize soon that she needs a mommy. And until she does I will just keep walking the halls, covering her in my prayers and tears and looking forward to the day she settles in my arms.

Thank you for your prayers and emails of encouragement! I truly appreciate them. If it wasn't for our sweet boy I am sure I would be really struggling. AND we went through this with Mavery so I know it ends. Though with her at least she wanted me and Mark got the rejection!

Syler is going to get his own post soon, but just so you can see how he is doing...